Tired Mother
What Paintings Can Teach Us about Motherhood - A Pictorial Ode from Renaissance to the Cusp of Modernism
I stumbled upon a theme this Mother’s Day1.
In what could be dubbed the original subgenre of realistic parenting, European artists from the 15th to the 19th century were quite keen on capturing mothers in a state of, well, utter exhaustion. Forget the madonnas with their serene smiles; these were women caught in the act of being unapologetically knackered, sometimes bored out of their minds, other times frustrated or just a nap away from feeling like a whole person again.
On the day when social media floods with pictures of breakfasts in bed, perfect bouquets and handmade cards, we are inundated with glorified images of motherhood polished to perfection, showcasing a world of flawless domestic bliss. But how often is this portrayal true, or, to be honest, even interesting?
I like that this day exists; it’s beautiful. For those who can, I hope today is a celebration. I am thinking of my own mother and her mother - two women from different worlds, whose experiences have profoundly influenced who I am today and who I will choose to be in the future. I am thinking of those who have lost their mothers and miss them with every fibre of their being; I am so afraid of losing mine. I am thinking of those who wanted to be mothers themselves but couldn’t, those who are still trying, and those who, at certain times, take on the role of a mother to offer their nurturing encouragement, care and love.
Personally, I find solace in these artworks from the past as they reveal an authentic, sometimes comical, portrayal of motherhood's tired and somewhat frustrated expressions. It’s oddly comforting, this historical proof that motherhood has always been a bit of a slog, long before the days when women began making their toddler’s lunchbox Pinterest-worthy. There’s something quite liberating in seeing these tired mothers immortalised in oil on canvas, a silent nod to the fact that it’s never been about perfection in the slightest.
Motherhood is messy. It’s the bone-deep tiredness that comes from love so fierce it keeps her awake at night. It’s the paradox of feeling utterly indispensable and completely invisible, all at once.
So, here’s to the tired mothers, past and present. To the women who have loved, laboured and lost it on occasion. They are in good company, stretched across centuries, captured in art.
Here’s to not being perfect2. It’s overrated anyway.
Ax
You can all respond to this email from your inbox and share your thoughts. Your message will reach me directly. Any more examples of tired mothers in art welcome!
Whilst most of the world celebrates Mother's Day on various dates in May, in the UK we celebrate it today - 10th March 2024.
Introducing the idea of just ‘being good enough’ - a big subject for a tiny footnote! During my MSc in Theoretical Psychoanalytic Studies at UCL, I fell in love with Donald Winnicott’s writing. His concepts opened up a whole new world to me. ‘Playing and Reality’ is a wonderful, accessible book that explores the origins of creativity and offers insights into how we can develop it - be it within ourselves or in others.
"Motherhood is messy. It’s the bone-deep tiredness that comes from love so fierce it keeps her awake at night. It’s the paradox of feeling utterly indispensable and completely invisible, all at once." Yes.